They’re everywhere. You see them in your classes, around campus, walking out of a frat house at 10:00AM, you name it.
I’m talking about the basic bitch, and there is a little bit of her inside all of us. Sure, her words make your eyes roll, and the way she dresses makes you wonder if she knows that the Kardashians are not actual role models, but cut her some slack, because chances are you’ve caught yourself doing the same annoying things. We are only human, and we only want what every young adult wants-to fit in.
If you have managed to avoid complying with any part of the archetypal young female, then good for you. But for most of us, conformity is just too hard to resist, so look out for these trademark quotes from the most basic of bitches.
1. “Nobody’s liking my Instagram. Should I take it down?”
Self-worth for a basic bitch is practically measured in likes on social media. Your picture didn’t even reach your average like number? Take that embarrassment down. But man, there is no better feeling than getting that 100th like on the super hot selfie you posted.
2. “Literally, I can’t even.”
Oh, I feel you. I can’t today either. I’m just not a person. Like, what is life?
I said this in front of my grandma once. She thought I was having a stroke.
3. “Wait, stop.”
Sometimes the world just needs to slow down, you know? I can’t comprehend everything that happens in the world all at once. Some of it needs to just… stop.
4. “I’m dying.”
Death is no joking matter. Yes, I understand how bad your hangover is, but I promise you will survive it. You most likely have another 50 plus years before this phrase could actually apply to you.
5. “Let’s have a photo shoot, I need a new profile picture.”
Every girl has, at one point in her life, done her makeup and put on her best outfit just to stand in some good lighting and take about five hundred artsy photos. Anyone with an Iphone can be a model these days, and that picture of you running your fingers through your hair and pretending to laugh at something nonexistent will be Facebook famous. Don’t forget to add a deep quote about how wonderful your life is.
6. “He’s with another girl? But we shared a chaser.”
If there is one thing I have learned in college it’s that frat boys really like sex. Boys in general really like sex. And they are going to have it with as many girls as physically possible within their lifespan. Granted, some guys do break this very common mold, but they are the exception. So you might want to rethink that “deep connection” you guys made while he was taking body shots off of you.
7. “Ugh, I can never pick a filter. Does this one make me look tan enough?”
Honestly, nothing stresses me out more than trying to edit a picture for any social media. Why can’t there just be a fix my face button?
8. “I don’t like beer.”
If, by some misfortune, you actually dislike the nectar that feeds most of the party-loving world, then I’m truly sorry. But most likely, you have used this claim to avoid the empty calories and the 3-months-pregnant look that comes with the drink. I guess it’s valid to care about your body, but your youth is slipping away, and it’s currently beerless and dull.
9. “I want to wear this but it’s just not slutty enough.”
You know you have a problem when short shorts and a tube top make you feel like a nun. You might just have some really free spirited friends to keep up with, or some really sleazy guys to impress, but those shorts need to be tighter and that shirt needs to be shorter if you want any attention tonight.
10. “Oh my gosh I saw that on Pinterest!”
Who needs creativity when there’s a website that takes care of that for you? It’s where I get all my unoriginal original ideas from. As far as anyone knows, I am a crafting genius.
You just keep doing you ladies, and don’t forget to laugh at yourself a little.